ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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