1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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