I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize