you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize