bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize