It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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