oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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