I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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