It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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