I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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