I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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