No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize