I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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