what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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