Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize