my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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