Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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