the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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