Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's the barista slut.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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