MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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