Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
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Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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