was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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