Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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