i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize