I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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