He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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