I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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