How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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