508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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