Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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