at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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