Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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