The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize