phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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