you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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