I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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