I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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