Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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