I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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