I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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