a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No stitches, just platelets and will power
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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