Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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