I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize