omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize