The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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