You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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