I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize