Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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