Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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