I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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